Wounds And Scars

“Contrary to what we may have been taught to think, unnecessary and unchosen suffering wounds us but need not scar us for life. Yes, it does mark us. What we allow the mark of our suffering to become is in our own hands.”  Bell Hooks

I was thinking the other day about wounds and scars. How wounds can run deep but scars don't. I think the way our wounds heal should be a testament to how we should live our life. A scar is a sign that you were once wounded deeply, hopefully learnt your lesson and have moved on.

"When your heart speaks, take good notes.”

Judith Campbell

"When your heart speaks,
take good notes.”

Judith Campbell

Can you imagine if we lived a life where our wounds never healed? We would be stinking, rotting messes. This is how I believe some people are in their hearts and in their souls. They are a mess of wounds that have never healed. Everything they say is laden with hate,  jealousies, mistrust, irritation, old pain, unattended hurts, what ifs, if onlys, what used to be.....

But, maybe we don't like some of these wounds to heal. So the minute they threaten to close up, we poke and prod at them so they can remain inflamed. Is it a comfort thing? Preserving what's familiar? I don't know. We even put up a barrier around the wound sometimes. If a loved one who has had a similar injury shows concern and tries to heal us, we'll tell them to back off! Right? Regardless of the other party's expertise on the same type of lesion.

“When you stop putting yourself on the line, and you don't touch  your own heart, how do you expect  to touch other people?”

Tori Amos

“When you stop putting yourself
on the line, and you don't touch
 your own heart, how do you expect
 to touch other people?”

Tori Amos

I remember when I was going through separation, divorce, bankruptcy, foreclosure, car repossession....  I was wound up so tight, I would not let anybody near my hurt. Emily Dickinson said, "a wounded deer leaps the highest." Boy, did I leap every time someone came close to me! I falsely believed that I was the only one who had ever hurt like I was hurting. No one knew my pain, I kept saying, no one! So I stayed in victim mode.   There's something so seductive about being a victim. I think it's all the attention you get from people. The way your friends treat you ever so gingerly, like fine china, as if you're bound to explode into little fragments at any given time.

It took a great, wise friend to finally see through my smokescreen. She wrecked the defense I had built around my suffering. She got tired of my moping and went right to the heart of my wound. She said, "Get over it sweetie. Build a bridge and get over it. You're not the first or the last woman that will ever get divorced. It happens to millions of women world wide. Pick yourself up and move on. Am here for you."

 Wow! Tough Love.

If that wasn't a wake up call, I don't know what is. She was right, of course. And if it weren't for her timely advice, I would probably still be a bitter, brooding mess. As for that wound, I can hardly see the scar... it's that tiny. There's a dull ache sometimes, where it used to be, but other than that, it's a done deal.

What are your wounds? Examine what has been needing healing. What's the wound you're allowing to fester and worsen. Don't kid yourself, people see it, people smell it. It is the nature of wounds. Penning it off into a corner of your heart, slapping a flimsy band aid on it, only serves to keep it open and more sore, not healed. Consequently, you always have to be on guard, in case someone touches it.  The watch is on 24-7 when it  comes to this particular wound/s. Find out how to heal it! Get a professional, a specialist on your particular wound.
Everything leaves a mark. The world needs more scars and less wounds. A scar is something you fondle lovingly, as you remember the lessons contained. It's a part of you; it's like a map to your life story. I read somewhere, "A scar means the hurting is over and the wound is healed." I know this in my heart: a wound is a reminder that, everyday, you are dying. While a scar is a reminder that everyday, you are living.

“Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into your wounds to discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.” ~Tori Amos