Adjusting My Expectations

What's with the obsession with progress reports? If we are truthful, we know that social media websites and gadgets have put us dangerously in touch. We are now competing with each other for an imaginary title of "Best Life Ever." There's almost an unspoken disapproval for people who are not up to par. People who are struggling, people who are on the downslope side of life. There's this unspoken rule not to post anything when you're having a hard time and need to reach out. Why? The fakeness of some of those posts nauseates me.
We've become a society that demands and expects 24-7 excellence. There is no room for error. No slipping, no faltering, especially no falling is allowed. How contorted is this? It's always sunny in FaceBook World. What a shame! Que Lastima!

All this demand for well adjusted individuals has only created in many a sense that they're doing badly. To me, I think it has a bizarre effect. The more we see all these people in the news and social media who are leading these picture perfect lives, the harder we are on ourselves. At one time I thought, "What's wrong with me? Am I not trying hard enough? Am I too broken? Am I not good enough? According to life on FB I should be a doctor by now, I should have 2 degrees, I should be married with 2.5 kids- a boy, a girl and one on the way." Everybody is so well achieved on FB- Doctors, Lawyers, Nurses, CEOs, Politicians, Business Owners, etc. Especially those inviting you for re-unions are so highly achieved, in a moment of shame and self-pity I killed my FB account.

What if we didn't have these dangerously high levels of contact, this overexposure into people's lives, would we be so hard on ourselves? What if we caught up now and then? Would that give me room to breath? Room to improve on my life without the "competition" in my face? Would I celebrate people's achievements more and not see these said achievements as a call to arms? Do I really need to know where you are at every given moment of your life?
What if I posted what I really felt? What if people posted what they really felt? What if depressives and suicidals reached out? Would they still be "Liked"? Would there be as many socially pressured suicides? And that's another thing, why don't some online communities speak against internet bullying? Is it because they think it's not so real since it's online?

Recently my friend Sunshine saw one of our facebook friends, live and in person. The human being standing infront of her looked nothing like the facebook poster. It was a crying shame. Is it possible that the pressure to put on a happy front has desensitized us from feeling for our friends. Desensitized us from being in tune to our friend's needs, worries, and heartaches. Desensitized us from trying to find out what is REALLY going on. This unwritten rule has deterred everyone from posting how they TRULY feel. When this online lifestyle is translated to real life, people are not wanting to know, or care what's really going on.

This has happened to me:
How are you? I asked.
Everything is good, am ok. You ok?
No. I said.
It's all good though, right?
(Arrgh! Unbelievable! No, not really)  I said in my mind. I know when to stop, the person did not really want to hear that I wasn't ok.

I know a friend on facebook who has posts that are contradictory to what they feel. I know this because I am able to see this person and can tell something is wrong. I decided to make myself available, in person to this person so they could have a shoulder to cry on and so they could share their REAL pain with Sunshine and I.


I have learnt to adjust my expectations. That's why I reopened my FB account after cultivating a healthy mind set. What I see doesn't mirror what is actually going on. People just want to put only their best foot forward. I wish it weren't so, and there was a healthy reality based balance. What sense does it make in reality, to have 300 friends? It would be impossible to carry on a quality relationship with all those people. My achievements are subject to my timeline, not somebody elses. I am no longer shocked by the difference between the happy go lucky person on facebook, and the real, live person I encounter. 
And I know that all those friend requests don't mean I'm popular, just that people are merely curious as we all have a little voyeurism in us.

“If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask... with nothing beneath it?”
― Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes

Among the most central of all Budhist psychological principles are the Four Noble Truths, which begin by acknowledging the inevitable suffering in human life. This truth, too, is hard to talk about in modern culture, where people are taught to avoid discomfort at any cost, where "the pursuit of happinness" has become "the right to happiness." And yet when we are suffering it is so refreshing and helpful to have the truth of suffering acknowledged. ~Jack Kornfield, The Wise Heart