Judging You Defines Me

A judgment is a balanced weighing up of evidence to form a decision or opinion.
Judgment or judgement may also refer to:

• A judgment (law), a formal decision made by a court following a lawsuit
• A value judgment, a determination of something's worth or goodness, based upon a particular set of values or point of view.

Judgment of others: are you guilty, am I guilty? Yes. God knows, if we're honest, this habit comes to us like breathing. It's the first thing we do when we encounter someone new. It's the first thing we do when we hear a juicy tidbit of gossip about someone we already know.
Recently an ex co-worker, came through our city. Although she's moved out of the state, her relatives still reside in FL, so she comes to visit now and then. Before she left FL, however, she got into a bit of a self-humiliating mess on a personal level. Something she's told me she's not proud of. She struggled for  a long time with the consequences of the said events. Eventually, she repented and renewed her Faith. She doesn't make light of what happened. She is now healed and living a positive life devoid of regret and self-loathing. Am very happy for her. She sounded wonderful when I chatted with her on the phone.

Be curious, not judgmental.
~Walt Whitman

Here's the sad part, not all of her friends or ex-friends have forgiven her for an event that happened a long while back. Not only that, these people whom she comes in brief contact with while in FL, who haven't forgiven her, were not touched directly by the fiasco. I do know almost for sure that the pure, uncontaminated details of a scandal can only be known by the people intimately involved (2, maybe 3 people, tops). Everyone else is just a curious or judgmental spectator, armed with too few details to make a decision on the matter. But, why the unforgiveness? Haven't we all needed forgiveness in the past or will need forgiveness in the future? When we are in meditation or prayer, guaranteed we all ask for absolution for some misdeed, huge or small. How can we dare ask for compassion for our errors and yet we won't offer it to others?

I have to wonder about judgment, only because I catch myself doing it at times. When we judge, is it because we see ourselves in others? That flaw that we see in others, it has to be in us too, or else we would never recognize it in another. Having that log in my eye is what gives me an idea to point out the speck in yours, only because I know how it feels, you see? Or is it that we've deemed ourselves so perfect and everyone else so defective? How can I judge another, as if I'm so perfectly created? Oh, and how I hate to be judged!

It has got to be the absolutely hardest habit to break. For one, most times there are no immediate or discernible consequences, furthermore the person you're judging never has to know. However, your conscience will let you know you're wrong. Maybe  it's a survival instinct, this comparing business, who knows?
I do know this for sure, it is a habit that I'd like to loose. I wish to pay people more compliments. I would like to develop a new habit: Notice one lovely thing about someone, instead of a flaw. Here's another habit I want to cultivate: Notice what I have in common with someone instead of what sets us apart. These are lofty aspirations for sure but well worth trying, right?

Leave this world better
 than when you found it.
Wilferd A. Peterson

I want to leave people feeling better than I found them. I want to leave a room with a much more positive vibe than I first encountered. I want people to leave my company feeling blessed instead of doomed. Instead of judging the person behind a register, I want to have an honestly warm chitchat session with the check out person, and also the grocery bagger. I may be the only smile they see that day. I will compliment the chic or guy who is dressed to the nines. And the one who isn't, (here I go judging), has to to have at least one cute piece of jewelry or other adornment like an oddly beautiful tie or scarf, or an awesome looking purse...  I'm not saying it's going to be effortless, but I believe it will be worth it. I may not always succeed, some days will be better than others but I will try my hardest to be    íMindfulý
 

And the funny thing is, I can't accuse another of being judgmental without being judgmental myself. There's no such thing as a non-judgmental judgment.

FOR THOSE FEELING JUDGED:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Nelson Mandela