Thank You, Teacher

THANK YOU MRS.AGNES OJARA P O BOX 12345, 00600 Nairobi.

Dear Mrs. Ojara, I hope this missive finds you well.

It has been said, “A good teacher explains. A superior teacher demonstrates. A great teacher inspires.”

At the risk of stating the obvious, I realize I may not have been your prize English student.

In fact, I struggled with learning Shakespeare and other classic Literature. I began your Introduction to Shakespeare class with great trepidation.

From Day One you began revising my once-poor opinion of English Literature and English grammar in general.

Words cannot tell you how much I appreciated your passion for the English language and your patience with us during English lessons. You must have infected me with a bug because I tell you Mrs. Ojara, I have had a loving affair with the English language since I left Moi Nairobi Girls High School.

I remember in particular how fervently and zealously you discussed Romeo and Juliet. To this day I can still remember the names of the main characters. However, more than anything, you taught us the lesson of passion. Passion for what you do, no matter what it is that you do.

I want you to know, I have carried that lesson with me all my adult life. Passion has served me well whether it’s at home or at work. I’m currently employed by an Airline here in Florida. I work on the ground as a customer service agent, booking tickets and checking in baggage. A job that I love to bits since each day is as alike as chalk and cheese. I’m known at work for my passion for a job well done, for my explanation skills to befuddled first time flyers, for my clarity and uncomplicated, easily digestible instructions to trainees (when I trained.)

Most of all, my boss is impressed by my level of commitment to my job, and my superlative communication skills; all of which I emulated from you.

Mrs. Ojara, I regret not writing you sooner. I got derailed by a defective marriage, a prolonged divorce and an even more delayed bounce back. Nevertheless, as soon as I caught my second wind, I was up and running with my writing expertise.

I cannot say Thank You enough for instilling in me discipline and a reverence for the English language. 

May God Bless and keep you Mrs.Ojara,

Your Student,

Judy N. K.

If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job. ~Donald D. Quinn

A good teacher is a master of simplification and an enemy of simplism. ~Louis A. Berman

Walk In The Light Of The Past

To walk safely through the maze of human
life, one needs the light of wisdom and
the guidance of virtue.~ Budha

I like to walk into my future guided by the light from my past. 6 years ago I went back home for the first time since leaving home in 1997. Going back home was like being recharged, with a high voltage something. It put me back in that place that I was before I came to the States. Back then, I day dreamed daily of leaving the country. Anywhere far away would have done. I had big dreams. I was going to be somebody!

And I did leave, headed straight for Alabama, ha, ha, ha! It’s funny now. I applied to a lot of different schools and this one in Alabama responded the fastest. Come to find out it was a for-profit 2 year college with non-transferable credits. A con, but that’s a story for another blog. Fast forward to 2006. Here I was so many prosperous years later, stuck in a 9-5 rut and a rapidly decaying marriage; doing the same thing monotonous day, after monotonous day. Giving meaning to this adage: Tradition becomes our security, and when the mind is secure, it is in decay.” ― Jiddu Krishnamurti

Visiting Kenya was like a wake-up call. (Subsequent visits to 2006, have proven this theory over and over.) Laying there in my old bed in my old room, looking at the same posters, perusing the same books, placed me back mentally, into the same mindset that I had in 1997. A loud thought popped into my head saying, “Get another dream. You’ve already accomplished the last one.” Sadly, I realized I hadn’t planned past coming to the States and after starting a job that paid the bills, I lost sight of the “I’m going to make something of myself” dream.

Journal entry 2006: I needed this visit. I feel more alive now than I’ve ever felt in the last 9 years. I’m rejuvenated. I have a new zest for life. I am at square one, phase two, of my American life. Am back to my old self and I LOVE IT! At first I thought it was because I was turning thirty but actually it’s this trip, back to base, that’s reminded me of why I left in the first place.

A Kenyan Slum

Kenya reminded me of who I am and where I came from. My parents started out quite poor, but by the time I was in high school we were in the middle class, a privileged life compared to some of my fellow citizens. The visit also reminded me that there were still lots of people back home without the opportunity that I had been afforded. And here I was just letting it fritter away. Here were a people with the 3^rd largest economy in Africa yet among the poorest people in Africa. In 2006, there was a 71.5% literacy in men and only a 50.2% literacy in women. Life expectancy was 45 years. Luckily, 62% of Kenyans had access to improved water source. It's much more improved now, but we still have a long way to go.

 Of all my recent visits to Kenya, I remember February 2006 particularly because it was so bloody hot! It hadn’t rained in almost a year. The most amazing thing was, amid the dust, pollution, famine and desolation, nobody whined about anything. The Maasai , a semi nomadic tribe, normally grazed their cattle in the highlands. They were now bringing them into Nairobi city to access rapidly disappearing water. I remember waiting in traffic as a herd of cattle crossed the street in Westlands. Westlands is Nairobi's social and entertainment center, mostly for wealthy Kenyans, foreigners and expatriates. The cows were also being sold for next to nothing or battered for different products in the markets. People just did what they had to do. They just kept keeping on. “The rains are on their way,” they said cheerfully, every time I asked. “You’ll see, it will come.”  Such hope, such faith. And it did rain, the very day I was flying back to the US.

Privilege is not in and of itself bad;
what matters is what we do with privilege.
Privilege does not have to be negative,
 but we have to share our resources
and take direction about how
 to use our privilege
 in ways that empower those who lack it. 
― bell hooks,   
Homegrown: Engaged Cultural Criticism

When did I change? When did I get so spoiled. When did I stop becoming like my people? When did I catch the disease of pride, impatience, arrogance, entitlement? Especially entitlement, what an ugly stance to take. Nowadays I whine and complain if the guy in front of me is blocking the lane and driving slower than I am (not thankful I have an operating vehicle.) I groan if the line at the grocery store register is 3 shoppers long (not thankful that I am able to afford groceries at all.) Once, when I was really new to the States, I couldn’t afford to pay bills and eat. I had to do one or the other. I needed this trip; if for nothing else, to rediscover myself, my inherent self. There is something about Africa that completely changes its visitors; something that gives you a whole paradigm shift. It’s an essence, a spirit, a power. Take for instance Richard Pryor. He stopped using the word “nigger” when he went to Africa. He said he had never seen so many proud black men. He said, even if they didn't have as much as his countrymen in the US, they held their heads up high and they had dignity. He was forever changed by a visit to Africa.

     Proud!

But I digress.

Without revisiting your past, it’s so easy to forget where you came from, how far you’ve come, who you are, what your dreams were, what hopes you had for your future. It’s so easy to get into bad habits such as needless stress and worries, ungratefulness, unfairly comparing yourself to others, judging others who have “less” (and here the word “less” is relative), selfishness, me, me, me, all the time. Visiting your past humbles you and reminds you, at one point in time you didn’t know this privileged life. And that you did without a lot of luxuries. It didn’t kill you. Lack, actually, served to make you a better person, more hardworking, less complacent, less smug. Lack made you less content. It's almost as if the easier and more comfortable life becomes, the more selfish we orient. We also don't feel an urgency to want to pursue our goals. Life becomes “easy” and, Poof! Out go all the dreams and plans. We settle for a half-baked life. ¬check it out)

   Hope, promise.

It took a trip home to realize that I had lost myself. Neal Roese guides us thusly, “When we look back at our lives as a whole, we are most haunted by things left undone- romantic opportunities untried, career changes unexplored, friendships left untended. So the first suggestion is simply to act.” When I looked into all my cousin’s eyes, I saw the same hope and promise that I had at their age. They were so full of life, so energized, so eager. The sky was the limit with them, anything and everything was possible. I remember feeling that way! I saw in their eyes that same hunger for life and success that I used to have. I needed that back. I purposely allowed myself to get infected with their eagerness, their fervor, their gusto, their fire!

    The Kenyan Future

I often wonder if feeling dissatisfied with your life is your inner voice alerting you when you’ve lost your original self. Notifying you that you’ve come apart from who you sincerely, honestly, genuinely and accurately are. Maybe it’s a sign that you’ve wobbled off your divine path therefore you feel disconcerted, ill at ease. Essentially, when you feel unsettled, whatever you’re doing right now is not your calling. Everything seems to feel unresolved, something’s not adding up.  That's because, it’s not written in the stars this way. You’re off the tracks, way off! You've settled, and you know it, and your conscience will not let you off the hook, no matter how busy you get.


We have lost our way on our path.  It is time to do things in a way that respects our spirit, our ancestors, and where we come from.”

Lisa Brown quotes

We have lost our way on our path.
 It is time to do things in a way
that respects our spirit, our ancestors,
and where we come from.”

Lisa Brown quotes

Find what it is that will reset you: a certain person, people, a certain place/s, events, a certain activity,,, your own conscience. Where is your reset button? What do you have to do, to access that untainted part of yourself?
The You, with the big grin, sparkly eyes, can’t-wait-for-the-future. The You that’s full of plans and hope and joy de vivre. The You who gets up in the morning with a smile or a chuckle and a prayer of thanks. The You that does a little jig, for no good reason. The You that will burst into spontaneous dance upon hearing one of the thousands of “Ooh! That’s my favorite,” songs. The You whose day ends with, “That was awesome! Can’t wait to see what tomorrow has in store, woo hoo!”  Where are You? Your future awaits. Look back for an instant, to see if you're off or still on the path. The Chinese say that if you keep on going the way you're going, you'll end up where you're heading. Trust that the past will shed light on the future's path. .

I love the way this author regards the bygone: “It has shown me that everything is illuminated in the light of the past. It is always along the side of us...on the inside, looking out.” ― Jonathan Safran Foer

Judging You Defines Me

A judgment is a balanced weighing up of evidence to form a decision or opinion.
Judgment or judgement may also refer to:

• A judgment (law), a formal decision made by a court following a lawsuit
• A value judgment, a determination of something's worth or goodness, based upon a particular set of values or point of view.

Judgment of others: are you guilty, am I guilty? Yes. God knows, if we're honest, this habit comes to us like breathing. It's the first thing we do when we encounter someone new. It's the first thing we do when we hear a juicy tidbit of gossip about someone we already know.
Recently an ex co-worker, came through our city. Although she's moved out of the state, her relatives still reside in FL, so she comes to visit now and then. Before she left FL, however, she got into a bit of a self-humiliating mess on a personal level. Something she's told me she's not proud of. She struggled for  a long time with the consequences of the said events. Eventually, she repented and renewed her Faith. She doesn't make light of what happened. She is now healed and living a positive life devoid of regret and self-loathing. Am very happy for her. She sounded wonderful when I chatted with her on the phone.

Be curious, not judgmental.
~Walt Whitman

Here's the sad part, not all of her friends or ex-friends have forgiven her for an event that happened a long while back. Not only that, these people whom she comes in brief contact with while in FL, who haven't forgiven her, were not touched directly by the fiasco. I do know almost for sure that the pure, uncontaminated details of a scandal can only be known by the people intimately involved (2, maybe 3 people, tops). Everyone else is just a curious or judgmental spectator, armed with too few details to make a decision on the matter. But, why the unforgiveness? Haven't we all needed forgiveness in the past or will need forgiveness in the future? When we are in meditation or prayer, guaranteed we all ask for absolution for some misdeed, huge or small. How can we dare ask for compassion for our errors and yet we won't offer it to others?

I have to wonder about judgment, only because I catch myself doing it at times. When we judge, is it because we see ourselves in others? That flaw that we see in others, it has to be in us too, or else we would never recognize it in another. Having that log in my eye is what gives me an idea to point out the speck in yours, only because I know how it feels, you see? Or is it that we've deemed ourselves so perfect and everyone else so defective? How can I judge another, as if I'm so perfectly created? Oh, and how I hate to be judged!

It has got to be the absolutely hardest habit to break. For one, most times there are no immediate or discernible consequences, furthermore the person you're judging never has to know. However, your conscience will let you know you're wrong. Maybe  it's a survival instinct, this comparing business, who knows?
I do know this for sure, it is a habit that I'd like to loose. I wish to pay people more compliments. I would like to develop a new habit: Notice one lovely thing about someone, instead of a flaw. Here's another habit I want to cultivate: Notice what I have in common with someone instead of what sets us apart. These are lofty aspirations for sure but well worth trying, right?

Leave this world better
 than when you found it.
Wilferd A. Peterson

I want to leave people feeling better than I found them. I want to leave a room with a much more positive vibe than I first encountered. I want people to leave my company feeling blessed instead of doomed. Instead of judging the person behind a register, I want to have an honestly warm chitchat session with the check out person, and also the grocery bagger. I may be the only smile they see that day. I will compliment the chic or guy who is dressed to the nines. And the one who isn't, (here I go judging), has to to have at least one cute piece of jewelry or other adornment like an oddly beautiful tie or scarf, or an awesome looking purse...  I'm not saying it's going to be effortless, but I believe it will be worth it. I may not always succeed, some days will be better than others but I will try my hardest to be    íMindfulý
 

And the funny thing is, I can't accuse another of being judgmental without being judgmental myself. There's no such thing as a non-judgmental judgment.

FOR THOSE FEELING JUDGED:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Nelson Mandela 

Adjusting My Expectations

What's with the obsession with progress reports? If we are truthful, we know that social media websites and gadgets have put us dangerously in touch. We are now competing with each other for an imaginary title of "Best Life Ever." There's almost an unspoken disapproval for people who are not up to par. People who are struggling, people who are on the downslope side of life. There's this unspoken rule not to post anything when you're having a hard time and need to reach out. Why? The fakeness of some of those posts nauseates me.
We've become a society that demands and expects 24-7 excellence. There is no room for error. No slipping, no faltering, especially no falling is allowed. How contorted is this? It's always sunny in FaceBook World. What a shame! Que Lastima!

All this demand for well adjusted individuals has only created in many a sense that they're doing badly. To me, I think it has a bizarre effect. The more we see all these people in the news and social media who are leading these picture perfect lives, the harder we are on ourselves. At one time I thought, "What's wrong with me? Am I not trying hard enough? Am I too broken? Am I not good enough? According to life on FB I should be a doctor by now, I should have 2 degrees, I should be married with 2.5 kids- a boy, a girl and one on the way." Everybody is so well achieved on FB- Doctors, Lawyers, Nurses, CEOs, Politicians, Business Owners, etc. Especially those inviting you for re-unions are so highly achieved, in a moment of shame and self-pity I killed my FB account.

What if we didn't have these dangerously high levels of contact, this overexposure into people's lives, would we be so hard on ourselves? What if we caught up now and then? Would that give me room to breath? Room to improve on my life without the "competition" in my face? Would I celebrate people's achievements more and not see these said achievements as a call to arms? Do I really need to know where you are at every given moment of your life?
What if I posted what I really felt? What if people posted what they really felt? What if depressives and suicidals reached out? Would they still be "Liked"? Would there be as many socially pressured suicides? And that's another thing, why don't some online communities speak against internet bullying? Is it because they think it's not so real since it's online?

Recently my friend Sunshine saw one of our facebook friends, live and in person. The human being standing infront of her looked nothing like the facebook poster. It was a crying shame. Is it possible that the pressure to put on a happy front has desensitized us from feeling for our friends. Desensitized us from being in tune to our friend's needs, worries, and heartaches. Desensitized us from trying to find out what is REALLY going on. This unwritten rule has deterred everyone from posting how they TRULY feel. When this online lifestyle is translated to real life, people are not wanting to know, or care what's really going on.

This has happened to me:
How are you? I asked.
Everything is good, am ok. You ok?
No. I said.
It's all good though, right?
(Arrgh! Unbelievable! No, not really)  I said in my mind. I know when to stop, the person did not really want to hear that I wasn't ok.

I know a friend on facebook who has posts that are contradictory to what they feel. I know this because I am able to see this person and can tell something is wrong. I decided to make myself available, in person to this person so they could have a shoulder to cry on and so they could share their REAL pain with Sunshine and I.


I have learnt to adjust my expectations. That's why I reopened my FB account after cultivating a healthy mind set. What I see doesn't mirror what is actually going on. People just want to put only their best foot forward. I wish it weren't so, and there was a healthy reality based balance. What sense does it make in reality, to have 300 friends? It would be impossible to carry on a quality relationship with all those people. My achievements are subject to my timeline, not somebody elses. I am no longer shocked by the difference between the happy go lucky person on facebook, and the real, live person I encounter. 
And I know that all those friend requests don't mean I'm popular, just that people are merely curious as we all have a little voyeurism in us.

“If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask... with nothing beneath it?”
― Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes

Among the most central of all Budhist psychological principles are the Four Noble Truths, which begin by acknowledging the inevitable suffering in human life. This truth, too, is hard to talk about in modern culture, where people are taught to avoid discomfort at any cost, where "the pursuit of happinness" has become "the right to happiness." And yet when we are suffering it is so refreshing and helpful to have the truth of suffering acknowledged. ~Jack Kornfield, The Wise Heart

Acceptance

Acceptance of everything, everybody and every situation is the beginning of a peace filled life. Many, many times I catch myself saying, "Oh I wish this hadn't happened." Or I wish a difficult person out of my life. Not accepting my "negative" circumstances makes my life even more difficult than the moment dictates.


A couple of weeks ago I was pulling my trash receptacle to the main road for garbage pick-up. I happened to notice that there were cigarette butts all over my yard, in the area closest to my neighbor. Yes, you're right, she just happens to be a chain smoker.
The sight of those cigarette butts incensed me beyond reason. I mean, who does that? Tarnish your own yard!! I was so furious; I immediately wrote to my landlady asking her to talk to my neighbor's landlord. I wanted her to have him warn her that I would not tolerate her rudeness. My landlord asked me to first talk to my neighbor who I really never see, between her schedule and mine.

“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors,
and also to love our enemies;
probably because generally
they are the same people.”
― G.K. Chesterton

Late that night I went outside to pull the garbage can back to the house and to throw something in it. Okay, okay, and to catch my neighbor smoking so as I can confront her. I asked really gently if she had seen some kids around my house smoking as there were numerous butts in my yard. She said, really quickly, "It wasn't me!" Sigh... I told her to have a good night and went back into my house.
I prayed for peace over this matter as it was maddening me to a dangerous level. I was praying selfishly, "God, give me peace about this and make her stop. Put a pox on her for being so evil to me.... whine, whine, whine." On the following day, I decided to be an adult about the whole matter. I cleaned up my yard of every single cigarette butt. What was I going to do? No one claimed them and they weren't going to pick themselves up. Interestingly, the next week didn't produce any more nicotine garbage, so I calmed down. Then..... one day recently, I saw ONE cigarette butt and my temper went through the roof. I was as mad as a wet hen. Oh, her nerve!!! Seriously!
I left it there. Aargh!!
Fume, fume, fume....Because this issue was giving me the exact opposite of peace (which I claimed daily to have), I prayed again. This time really earnestly. What would it have killed me to just pick up the one butt and toss it in the garbage? My pride and a bruised ego, that's what.


I was telling God about how evil the neighbor was, how they belonged in a trailer park, how He promised he would scatter our enemies 7 ways, that He would protect His children from all evil, and on an on. Suddenly, I heard a clear, loud thought: Love your neighbor, accept... Huh? Needless to say, this stopped my tide of pleas and complaints to God. Love and accept my neighbor? Love and accept the situation? This was going to be a toughy. But I heeded and instead of cursing her, I started sending my neighbor positive vibes, wishing her well and accepting the situation for what it was.
This past Sunday, I was off. I went out to place something in the rubbish bin and ran into my neighbor. Outside her house were a couple of pick-up trucks and a U-Haul looking like container. So I asked the obvious. Yes, they were moving, across to the other side of the Island.

It takes Eckhart Tolle to tell you:
'How often each day, if you were to verbalize your inner reality at that moment, would you have to say, “I don't want to be where I am?” What does it feel like when you don't want to be where you are - the traffic jam, your place of work, the airport lounge, the people you are with? “I don't want to be here” is not only useless but also dysfunctional. It makes you and others unhappy. Surrender becomes so much easier when you realize the fleeting nature of all experiences and that the world cannot give you anything of lasting value.  No longer demand that a situation, person, place, or event satisfy you or make you happy.
And the miracle is that when you are no longer placing an impossible demand on it, every situation, person, place, or event becomes not only satisfying but also more harmonious, more peaceful.'


I have found over and over again, that as soon as I accept people and situations, as they are, everything seems to work out for good. Joyce Meyer says to "consider that God is using these negative situations and people as sandpaper. Polishing the rough edges out of you." Deliberate on the good character you receive in return. You can trust God whole heartedly or not at all. The universe doesn't resolve on our timetable. Pray, wait, be patient, be strong, take heart. Allow acceptance to be a soul reforming experience that develops your endurance and fortitude. Relinquish your own agenda and let things be as they are. Life, will then go your way.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.