Now About Sex

Being deeply loved by someone
gives you strength,
 While loving someone deeply
 gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

Living things exhibit three basic instincts:

1. Sex instinct.

2. Social instinct.

3. Security instinct.

Human beings have never completely, successfully controlled the dynamic force of instinct. When instincts are out of control they cause us problems. Every person in trouble at this moment can trace the exact nature of their problem back to this list, Recovery Dynamics, pg. 155.

When it comes to sex:

1. We can choose to have sex with the wrong people.

2. We can choose to have sex at the wrong time.

3. We can choose to have sex in the wrong ways.

4. We can choose to have sex that hurts other people.

5. Such wrong choices can cause suspicion, jealousy, and bitterness.

6. Such wrong choices can hurt other people, and they may retaliate, causing us resentment. Recovery Dynamics, pg. 163.

·         a.) We can choose to accept sex when we want love.    

·         b.) We can use sex to gain approval and acceptance.

Reviewing my own conduct over the years past, I know exactly where I had been selfish, dishonest and inconsiderate. I know who I hurt. I unjustifiably aroused mistrustfulness, doubt and animosity. I now know where and how I was at fault. There were times I had accepted sex when what I really craved was love. I now know what I should have done instead.

I am trying to shape a well-balanced and sturdy ideal for my future sex life. Each prospect relation will now be subject to this test - is it selfish or not?

God, please mold my ideals and help me live up to them.

Our sex powers are God given, therefore good; neither to be used self-interestedly, thoughtlessly, flippantly, egoistically nor to be despised and loathed.

A beautiful woman pleases the eye,
a good woman pleases the heart,
the first is a jewel,
 the second is a treasure ~ Napoleon

New Relationships

Before getting into any new relationships, we have to get strong first. Nourish the soul; work on the relationship with Self, before launching into a new one with another. Digging deep involves analyzing which part of ourself had caused all our problems. It is an extremely crucial point in heartbreak recovery.

We also have to do an inventory of all the character imperfections that we’ve thus far generated. Here are a few examples from my collection: unhealthy boundaries, codependency, bitterness, egocentricity, selfishness, duplicity, self-seeking, nervousness, unfounded fears resulting in guilt and dread , unprovoked anxiety attacks, night-time terrors, schizophrenic paranoia, etc. All thanks to my drinking career.

The road to addiction recovery has had me digging deep. The whole process is highly uncomfortable. At first, I didn't like what I was digging up! However, I had to make a decision NOT to allow my emotions and feelings dictate my life. For the first time, I had to control my thoughts, resulting emotions and my actions.

Only your real friends

will tell you when

your face is dirty.

~Sicilian Proverb

I believe when we don’t work on learning our authentic selves , we seek out shallow, superficial relationships. Is it out of cowardice, or is it because we know there’s no pressure to be
our genuine self?

Is it a chance to hide behind hollow, purposeless bonds while our conduct goes unchecked?

Each being has a longing to be loved and accepted by others, thus the yearning for companionship. We cannot subsist without others, without joining into associations with others. I think for all of us, the challenge is in finding wholesome bonds and constructing healthy boundaries, which do not lead us into yet another unhealthy, damaging relationship.

That is why it’s imperative to find peace within ourselves, first. We must work on our character before engaging long term with anyone. We shouldn’t drag our old baggage of unresolved issues into a new relationship…That’s not fair on the other person. Nor is it fair to our self.

Damaged boundaries are a sign of codependency. The primary cause of conflict and difficulties in relationships lies in unhealthy boundaries. My boundary is my container. When I am too contained or not contained enough, then problems in relationships result. Wekiva Springs Wellness Center.

Take the time:

We should take the time to heal, to flourish, to know our personality, to know our worth and value, to grow up and to enjoy life under our own terms, to mend and restore our marred boundaries. We should give time, time. Trust the process and curve out a normal, satisfactory, structured, non-dependent, strong life.

Then, in time when that God-given mate comes along, we’re Rehabilitated, Restored, Renewed, Repaired and Reborn.

We're healthy, both in mind and body.

Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel 

Cleaning House

Clean House, Clean Spirit!

You know that feeling you get when you've taken the garbage out, done all your laundry, cleaned the entire house including the bathroom? And you're standing barefoot in your bedroom or living room, breathing in deeply the smell of clean. Looking around you, everything is in its lawful spot.

To add to your euphoria, you’ve combined all of the above with a serious purge of every clothes closet and kitchen cabinet: ridding them of everything hoary, timeworn and long forgotten. You’ve gotten rid of everything expired which you don't and can't and won't ever use again. You know the feeling?

Now imagine, doing the same thing with your life. Imagine how peaceful and unencumbered you would feel. How clean and orderly your mind and soul would be. Picture, what a sigh of relief your spirit would breathe, un-smothered by inessential baggage; how much lighter and livelier your body would feel. Imagine how much sunnier the Now would look, how much more golden and promising the future would seem. Imagine how much more clearly you could think. Imagine how much potential and talent you could unlock. Imagine how much more energy you would possess to operate day to day activities.

Baggage comprises: incorrect predictions about our future, self-destructive behavior, old hurts, out of use relationships, dog-tired archaic stories we retell in our minds over and over again. These stories, mostly falsehoods if we’re honest, block us from seeing reality as it is; block us from enjoying life to its fullest extent. Carrying around baggage means we are always viewing people and situations judgmentally, from a defective perspective. When engaged in baggage carrying, no thing we see or engage with, is in its purest form. No activity is being enjoyed and appreciated for what it genuinely is. We attach a narrative or a judgment based on what happened yesterday, or last week, or ten years ago.

Let in the Light!

The first thing we do when we decide to clean house is open our blinds. By the same token, when we clean up our inside, we should push aside our curtain of fibs, alibis and rationalizations. We should clean out our toxic, destructive secrets and distortions that cause us emotional baggage. Intriguingly, our spiritual garbage weakens our immune system and causes unnecessary illness.

Neuroscientist David Eagleman has written, "The main thing that is known about secrets is that keeping them is unhealthy for the brain." When we begin to weave webs of deception, we need to expend enormous mental energy to prevent them from tangling. There's less brain power left over for solving real problems, and we start to falter in other areas of our lives.

Create Room For More!

Cleaning house is about creating room. Sometimes we look around the house and can’t believe how much junk we’ve accumulated. You notice this more so when you’re moving. Self exploration helps us see how much spiritual debris is weighing down our spirit.

In the same way cleaning out our closets and cabinets creates room for new purchases, cleaning out our life and mind creates room for new positive events and people in our lives. Keeping custody of our old baggage leaves no room for anything beneficial, favorable or wholesome to happen to us. Our "space" is jam packed with ancient encumbrances and impediments. We lose sight of who we are and who we aspire to be. And we wonder why nothing good ever happens to us.

We need to clean house in order to generate room:

Room for love.

Room for growth.

Room to move on up.

Room for improvement.

Room for opportunities that are about to tire of knocking.

When we let go of needless and excessive attachments, we’ll recover and progress our trajectory toward our veritable goals.

If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears. ~Glenn Clark

Represent Courage: Have no fear!

Fear. This short word somehow touched about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune. AA book, pg 68.

By Mary Ann Kikerpill

Courage: It should come naturally. Watching kids play and interact has convinced me that we are born courageous. I think we loose courage as we get jaded by life. But, is this the kind of existence we want? I don't believe so. We have to continually encourage ourselves and each other to have no fear. We should not be afraid to confront the things that make us feel afraid and hijack our full potential. Excercising bravery makes us brave.

We should not represent fear, we should represent courage. We should all strive to be fine examples of fearlessness.

An age old maxim says: Fear knocked on the door. But when Faith opened it, there wasn't anyone there. Have faith that you will be ok. Have faith that all will work out in the end and if it hasn't worked out....then it's not the end.

Our purpose in life is to show those that are downcast that there's more to life. To show them that eventually, things will mend. We absolutely have to lead fulfilled lives. There are days when we don't feel on the up and up. Days when we wake up tired and ungrateful. But, considering the alternative and knowing no day is guaranteed, ought to perk us right back up. If we have to fake it til we make it, so be it.

Whether we like it or not, we are unlikely heroes. You never know who is emulating you or looking up to you.

In the End, we will remember
not the words of our enemies,
but the silence
of our friends. MLK jr.

     

“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We're afraid.”
“Come to the edge.”
“We can't. We will fall!”
“Come to the edge.”
And they came.
And he pushed them. And they flew.
Guillaume Apollinaire, 1880-1918  French Poet, Philosopher

HOW to MAKE a GOOD Sandwich

I have been married to the same man for almost 27years. We are happy in our marriage and we like each other too! How is that possible? We both learned how to make a good sandwich.  In a marriage you must first be friends. In other words, you must like each other. You can love a person, but that doesn't mean you like them and if you don't like your spouse, then you can't begin to start making a sandwich.

Things that go on a sandwich...

respect       balance        laughter      

romance                  compassion        trust         happinness                       joy         sharing        peace            tranquillity          values            culinary skills       faithfullness 

                                            FUNNY MARRIAGE QUOTES:

-Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.

-When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

-My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret

 -Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

-Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Friday
-After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together

 -The only moment that my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in   my sleep
-Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. - Albert Einstein 
 -Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

-Two men were talking and one said for their 10th anniversary he took his wife to Hawaii. He said for their 20th he might go back and get her.

 -Before marriage, each looks at the other through rose-colored glasses. After marriage, they see each other with magnifying glasses!
- A friend of mine once asked his wife, where she wanted to go for their anniversary. His wife said “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!”..So…. he took her to the kitchen..


 

When you start to make a sandwich you want to make it taste good. A sandwich is as good as you make it, and so is a marriage. It's hard work and you have to work on your marriage everyday. Communication is the key to a successful marriage. Tell the person what you need or want because they can't read your mind. You are walking around angry and the other person is clueless as to why. Spice is another big part of a happy marriage. No one likes to see the same thing over and over again. Keep yourself looking fabulous and send love letters or sexy notes thru a text. Wear red for him or buy red for her. The great thing about making a sandwich is that you can put and add whatever you want. Marriage is just like a sandwich: you get out what you put in it. I love my husband of 27yrs and I believe that we will grow old together still making a good sandwich!

Why I Love My Mom

I love my mother because there is no one like her. She has loved me unwaveringly through all my life changes. From diapers to womanhood, she's been there, lighting my way. Guiding me, sometimes sternly, sometimes gently but always, always lovingly.

She has taught me about martyrdom- sacrificing for family, loyalty, respect, love, beauty, classiness, the value of working hard and being self-reliant. She has taught me how to be tough but ladylike, how to be funny without being bawdy. How to laugh long and hard, without sounding like a cackling witch.


The older I get, the more I realize: I am my mother's daughter. I love myself. I love this face that's just like hers. I love my waistline, my hips, my legs which I got from her. I love my smile which I copied from her.

I love my Mom.

Your Soul and your Stuff.

Fundamental questions:

If you always give, you will always have.

What am I doing with my "stuff", my earthly possessions?  

Am I using my stuff for good or nefarious reasons?




Every single thing I own. Both tangible and intangible, for example my intellect. Am I harming people or helping people with my smarts? Ditto the job that I do.

My money. How do I spend it? Where  and when do I spend it? Who do I spend it on? What's my attachment like to money?










My Entertainment gadgets (please allow me to include mobile phones here)...Which movies or T.V programmes am I drawn to? Which games am I playing? What do I call entertainment? Laughing at other people's expense? My computer..what am I searching for? Which websites am I surfing? My e-mails? Am I Tearing people down or building them up? 


My mobile phone, meant for emergencies, has become a lethal weapon. Gossipping, rumor mongering. Or praise, encouragement, my choice.

Every moment is a choice: Heal or Destroy. ~Martha Beck

Where’d all the good people go
I’ve been changin’ channels I don’t see them on the TV shows. ~Jack Johnson

 Am I learning, am I progressing? Or am I vegging, retarding, crowding my mind with information that will lead me to certain trouble. Dimming my mind with fear, anxiety, panic, hatred, propaganda that's promulgated by a media with an agenda.






Where am I investing my time?
Time is precious! And once spent, you can never get it back.
On whom am I spending my time?

Am I serving my ego by showing off?Am I using my possessions to define who I am?

Who would I be without all of my things or status symbols e.g: job and job titles, life titles (mom, dad, fiance, wife, husband), cars, home, clothes,  memberships to clubs, die hard athletic team loyalties, Identities like race, religion, country....

Am I enriching mine and others' lives with how I use my "Stuff"?

Which books am I buying? What kind of magazines am I reading?

Am I looking to God to fulfill me?Or do I depend on my worldly possessions?

Who or what is the master of my life? Which of my "stuff" has me in bondage?


Have I got my life on hold? Am I waiting til I acquire the right amount of "Stuff" to finally start enjoying life?


The "waiting to start living" syndrome is one of the most common delusions of the unconscious state. ~Eckhart Tolle.

                                       

At the end of my life, can I account for what I did with all the earthly blessings that God gave me?

Was I selfish? Did I horde?

At deaths door, how do I answer the question, "Where's your stuff now?" "How much of it did you bring with you?"

In the proximity of death, the whole concept of ownership stands revealed as ultimately meaningless. ~Eckhart Tolle.



         Did I let my "Stuff" get in the way of my spirituality?

Do it Like so: Have a generous Spirit.

So I give of my blessings and pray that my blessings can become others' blessings too!

The measure of a life, after all,

is not its duration but its donation.

~Corrie ten Boom~