New Relationships

Before getting into any new relationships, we have to get strong first. Nourish the soul; work on the relationship with Self, before launching into a new one with another. Digging deep involves analyzing which part of ourself had caused all our problems. It is an extremely crucial point in heartbreak recovery.

We also have to do an inventory of all the character imperfections that we’ve thus far generated. Here are a few examples from my collection: unhealthy boundaries, codependency, bitterness, egocentricity, selfishness, duplicity, self-seeking, nervousness, unfounded fears resulting in guilt and dread , unprovoked anxiety attacks, night-time terrors, schizophrenic paranoia, etc. All thanks to my drinking career.

The road to addiction recovery has had me digging deep. The whole process is highly uncomfortable. At first, I didn't like what I was digging up! However, I had to make a decision NOT to allow my emotions and feelings dictate my life. For the first time, I had to control my thoughts, resulting emotions and my actions.

Only your real friends

will tell you when

your face is dirty.

~Sicilian Proverb

I believe when we don’t work on learning our authentic selves , we seek out shallow, superficial relationships. Is it out of cowardice, or is it because we know there’s no pressure to be
our genuine self?

Is it a chance to hide behind hollow, purposeless bonds while our conduct goes unchecked?

Each being has a longing to be loved and accepted by others, thus the yearning for companionship. We cannot subsist without others, without joining into associations with others. I think for all of us, the challenge is in finding wholesome bonds and constructing healthy boundaries, which do not lead us into yet another unhealthy, damaging relationship.

That is why it’s imperative to find peace within ourselves, first. We must work on our character before engaging long term with anyone. We shouldn’t drag our old baggage of unresolved issues into a new relationship…That’s not fair on the other person. Nor is it fair to our self.

Damaged boundaries are a sign of codependency. The primary cause of conflict and difficulties in relationships lies in unhealthy boundaries. My boundary is my container. When I am too contained or not contained enough, then problems in relationships result. Wekiva Springs Wellness Center.

Take the time:

We should take the time to heal, to flourish, to know our personality, to know our worth and value, to grow up and to enjoy life under our own terms, to mend and restore our marred boundaries. We should give time, time. Trust the process and curve out a normal, satisfactory, structured, non-dependent, strong life.

Then, in time when that God-given mate comes along, we’re Rehabilitated, Restored, Renewed, Repaired and Reborn.

We're healthy, both in mind and body.

Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not. ~Henri Frederic Amiel