Am I Co-Dependant?

If you exhibit two or more of these mannerisms, you may have some co-dependent issues that you should explore. Do not panic! Every family has co-dependent behavior.

Never forget that love requires that
you be the greatest person
you are capable of being,
self-generating and strong and gentle
-Your own hero and star-
~Unknown.

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, inconsistency and various forms of abuse influenced your ability to form and maintain our boundaries. You may also have difficulty identifying the boundaries of others. Damaged boundaries are a sign of codependency.

The items you check simply correspond to some areas where co-dependent conduct is depriving your life of happiness and joyfulness.

v I can’t stand to be alone.

v I am a perfectionist.

v I am driven by the approval of others.

v I feel desperate when I cannot gain the approval of other people.

v I find myself making decisions based on how they will affect other people and rarely consider myself.

v Many times I feel obsessed by the need for total order in my life.

v I find myself adjusting to my spouse’s needs rather than communicating my feelings.

v I do not experience anger.

v I over-eat often.

You cannot allow your
self esteem and your sense
of value be determined
by how other people treat you.
~ Joel Osteen

 v I am constantly wondering what other people think of me.

 v I cover up my feelings so that others won’t know what I really think.

v I am afraid that if others really knew me that they would run and hide.

No is a complete sentence.
Multi-tasking:
Screwing everything up
simultaneously-- Anon

v I am constantly trying to figure out how to stay ahead in my relationships.

v I can’t say no when I am asked to do a favor or serve on a committee.

v I tell myself that it shouldn’t hurt so much when others let me down.

v I need to control those close to me.

v I need everyone to be happy with me so that I can feel good about myself.

v I need others to be strong for me without requiring anything from me in return.

Co-dependency revolves around four major patterns. Do you make the adjoining statements?

“Most men would rather
deny a hard truth than face it"
 George R.R. Martin.

 Ø Denial patterns e.g.: “I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.” Ok...we agree. However, what’s your intention?

 Ø Low self-esteem patterns e.g.: “I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never ‘good enough.’ I do not ask others to meet my needs.”

Ø Compliance patterns e.g.: “I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger. I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long. I accept sex when what I want is Love. I put aside my own interests in order to do what others want.”

Ø Control patterns e.g.: “I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves. I attempt to convince others of what they ‘should’ think and how they ‘truly’ feel. I become resentful when others will not let me help them. I have to be ‘needed’ in order to have a relationship with others.”

I'm not a control freak!
I just happen to know
what's best for
everybody else...

The highlighted ones above are the ones I am guilty of. Some of the co-dependent patterns, especially, the “Control Patterns”, made me go, “Hmmmm!” I told myself, if I am to work on the things that are robbing me of joy, then I have to honestly consider all the above.

If you have a positive outcome,
it's because you have a
positive income.

The consequence of maintaining a codependent approach to life is a lot of resentment, frustration and unmet personal needs. Recovering from codependency in essence involves learning to love and take care of yourself.~ The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook